Come Along

~~A Change In Creativity ~~

Recently I've been given a few tips, on how to change my writing. Lmao
I was told that my writing was to.....dark... if you know what I mean...
well ,,,,some people that I know *cough* like my ideas but .... just not the fact that i keep on writing things that are to sad, Gothic and dreading. Which i agree with after i re-read what i write. lmao ... its kinda funny.
So on the other hand.. I'm not going to stop writing ... which is impossible...literally.. i cant stop writing..it's like my home away from home. If you know what that expression means. I write when ever I'm feeling anything .. lol
funny...eh? Cuz usually I'm feeling something...which means....
I "always" need a piece of paper with me and a pencil to write with.
Usually home is where I get mad and start writing. School? ... at school i just keep to myself and hide myself from anything new that's happening. Don't get me wrong i join in... I'm just ... not that "into" it.. i don't really care 'bout whats happening around me. I just need a good book and the teacher teaching. School "use to be" my favourite place... some where I always wanted to go to just get away from my parents and the problems at home. It doesn't always work though. You see, unlike myself others can see that problems follow you literally "everywhere". Where ever you go... there's gonna be something to bug you.
Hey.... i just remembered ... I'm not supposed to talk about depressing things... well .. kinda to late now .. eh?
well.. to bad ... I'm kinda into by now.
Like I've been saying... school .... isn't my favourite place anymore. I don't think people notice.. but whenever I smile .. which isn't a lot anymore... but when I do ... it's all fake.. none of it is real..well.. not most of 'em. But the majority of my smiles are fake. This is cause the "real" me doesn't come out anymore. It never does. And if anyone ever "really" knows me they'd know why..but in most cases they don't know me. No one does. I know people who say they do but if they did they'd do something and know exactly what to do...which they don't.. so... as in every tragedy.... nothing is solved and everything is just a big mess in the end which is not my ideal situation.
Wonder why..eh? why do I hide myself? Well .. its not really my story to tell.. well.. not "all" my story that is... i don't really wanna reveal anything here.. just in case anyone in the situation sees it..lol ... so "cli che " .. Lol..
You see, there's to many things to worry about these days so I don't wanna cause anymore problems and get people upset by acting all sad..all that does is make people wonder. And if you know the people i know wondering is just the same thing as gossiping and that in turn causes more problems which I have to be involved in.
Lately I've been hearing things about a "new" beginning and starting your life over....the social part of it anyway..... like going to a new school and finding new friends.... I say that's useless.. but people don't believe me ... maybe ..maybe not it's true .. but starting over .. just gives the people you knew a burden. If you move the people that love you, back in the place you were before, will act sad.. and actually feel it and show is.. physically. But I've been giving that a thought too. If I moved not many would care, or if you can excuse my language, give a crap. They wouldn't and I know it. If i left today and never came back tomorrow some people would ask where I am.. but I'm pretty sure in a couple of days it'll just die down and the news about me being gone would...be gone..=)
Boys,girls, teachers,parents, siblings.........that's to many issues for me to deal with... and no offence to any religious people.. but dying right now .. is probably a good idea.. but wait!!!!
Put down the phone ... 911 wont help.. I'm not about to commit suicide, im too smart for that.. lol
All im saying is.. if I was going to be in an accident I honestly wouldn't be in much emotional pain. Missing the people I would meiss is bad enough and a huge weight on my back. But to be truthful, and i've never said this before, but the people that I have issues with and the problem its self is getting to me..and if ending it off like that is the way to go.. then its ok .. and to be leaving the world at this exact point is what I want because right now the people and issues in my life (the bad part anyway )is over weighing happiness in all points of life.
Wow...I bet I'm gonna get a lot of complaints about this one... no doubt
But im ready for it... give me your hardest questions.... go head.

Complain away........

~~ A change In Creativity ~~

Way Of Life ....

Sometimes walking through the world with a huge
smile is not always the best thing to do
Sometimes staying with yourself is the best
Learning to do so is not always easy
Yes there will be people who try to stop you,
but trying to get over them is a lesson within its self

Bird Fly Away

If your heart desires sumthing ... oh so badly
dont hide ur mind .... dont hide ...dont run into a corner and keep ur beautiful eyes from the world blindly ...
If your scared of hurting a friend .. Know that shes not sore
She may hurt and have the fakest,harmless, smile... but shes not as hurt anymore
Bird ... You need to spread your wings and fly
as hard as things are now .. u need to no
who u are

Dedication ---> Unknown
( bird, you know who you are)

Lost

If you've ever lost someone that was close to you, you'd know how it feels.
Knowing them for so long .. and then...poof...they're gone. Disappeared. Unknown factor.. but that's the way of life. The circle of how things run. No one can stop it, or change it, but we wish we could..... Things would be a lot easier if we all could.

The dark cloud settled on my happy afternoon
leaving nothing to be seen but the stars and the moon
over a crowded room and a small space
I found myself walking in a slow pace
As I opened the door and saw many tears cried
I held all mine in and tried to smile wide
I walked until i was close to a box carefully placed on the floor
When I looked over the lead the rain started to pour
No one said a word as i looked at the object inside
Many looked and stared at me wondering what I would do
but I tried to hide my red eyes
This thing which i had known was no longer what i thought
My knees fell weak, but despete my want to fall
it was what I was taught
Leaning over i knew if I spoke
I wouldnt recieve a reply
I raised my hand wiped off a tear
stared at my lost person
and gently whispered
"Bye".......

Song - Hurt Christina Aguilera

Love Cries Out A Certain Word

~~Follow your heart~~

If there's one thing I've learned..is that...nothing stays a secret for a long time. Any time soon ... that one little rumor,remark,response, or even lie could turn and literally hit u across the head. Maybe not all at the same time.. but in return... a lot of pain comes out of it. Not everything returns to you at the same time... but sooner or later...things get pretty ugly in a quick blink of an eye.
I can't assure you that things can actually change and become what is again .. nothing is that easy, but if you work towards it things can change but its all a matter of time and the perseverance you put into getting what you want. Things change slowly though. So don't rush the process of things... not many get to where they are with friends and other relationships by speeding by the moments you should be having to build up that climax.
When things unravel them selves my mistake was to not do anything and quickly tie up the bow again; I just let things fall into a bad place and blame myself later for all that's happened. If your wondering ... that doesn't feel to good ... things don't have to be all your fault if you start believing in it and start to think of facts that can back up your idea. With out those.....your nothing. But thing is .. i had proof that it wasn't "completely" my fault... still.. i did nothing. Stupid... eh? Some of you might say that you would've said something and backed yourself up...try actually being in that position...things aren't as easy as they seem..words are better spoken than done. But the words behind our actions is what makes them so special. Being in a spot where you have to testify against someone you really love.......your conscious yells out a certain word. Hope.
You need this once you've lost it...
but if you want to gain it back..... let me tell you it wasn't easy...
but .... wasn't isn't the word for me... its past tense..
and... i haven't gotten that far yet...
still don't have hope.

~~Follow your heart~~

Love Story

On a stormy winter's night
a young, powerful man took flight
He flew across ocean to ocean
walked through land to land
Just to take hold
of a young maidens hand

He roamed farther than
any man had roamed
Seen every corner there
was to be seen
He rode with horses
Battled fierce knights
yet there was no worthy
opponent to fight

He walked through many kingdoms
and many magnificent towers
hoping to one day stumble
upon the one perfect flower
Maybe he'll meet this lady soon
or maybe in the future
But what ever it'll be
he knew he'd one day discover

Continuing on his journey
this brave man must fight
and pass many tests
run past danger and deal
with many pests

You see, this is the path one
must walk to find that one
person thats meant to be

To love someone through
all one's life is a hard
challenge to face
You must truely love them,
cherish them and
walk along side them, in the
same pace

No one knows the ending
to the young man's tale
But with a heart as strong
and real as gold
i'll assure you he didnt fail

Far across the universe
he walks with a person by
his side
Rising above all and
looking high

To be as happy as he
only can make that
ending come true
He found his now,
the rest is up to you
Walk upon the pedestal
rise up to the challenge
take your hand, your heart in
the other
and make your love story
the best than any other

Tough Spots Rough Issues

~~ Not everything is meant to be kept a secret ~~
~~Ready? Set? Start ....Reading!!~~

Maybe it was the finest things in life that makes you wanna stop...but some times you just just gotta stop think and wait for whats going to happen. I've learned the hard way, that nothing good ever comes out of hanging around people that you don't like. It brings out the worst in not only your self, but the people around are distracted by the hate and the unkindness that you spread around.
Maybe it was my fault...that I didn't always know who to be around and who not to..maybe it was my fault that i don't no who to trust and who to follow behind. But the truth was..that everyone else wanted the exact same thing, Another person to be on their shoulders,no. not on their shoulders but swiping it for them. A personal slave, or in what middle schoolers call them. A "fake" friend. Let me explain .. a person to just be there for them and then out of the clear blue waters, you turn on them. Is that really a friend? Honestly?
Sometimes in a person's life.. you need to be more...... on the look out than you have to be.. in certain places... and to all of you reading this now... I'm going to tell you... my life is as real as it can get..
everything is real ... except the names of the people in it. I've kept most of them hidden just in case my friends are reading.. but in most cases, you'll know who I'm talking about. There is nothing fake about my life; other than the people in it. But I'll assure you. My life is better than an Gossip Girl episode, better than watching The Hills with your girlfriends... and all in all ... way more real. All of the events told are the ones that actually happen .. maybe and sometimes in "full" detail.. but at other times details are the best way to go...
So? You ready to enter a life of a regular 13 year old girl? Not some rich snobby girl on what you see on the t.v on episodes of Gossip Girl..... but the real deal this time. I'll warn you now... many things come your way... and be sure not to follow in my foot steps... dont make the same mistakes i did....
go the other path.


~~Not everything is meant to be kept a secret ~~