Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Speical Way Things Run
Dialog
Open line: Narrator- speaking of a Teenage Life
"She continues her life on the road she built, trying to consider all possible out comes of every situation coming her way. She strives to determine all the possibilities of a person and all the faces they have behind the one mask they have on. Then some one comes her way, lets her be herself and not hold up that shield she's been hanging on to for most of her delicate life. The surroundings around her are all of a sudden open and widened for more surprises to come through. Open roads continue to be opened, and only then does she really realize that life is an open journey. You have to know when to open the door, but also know when to close it and open it again at times. But then again. If you need to keep it shut, you have the right to do that to. You just have to learn when and how to do so."
Dialog
Open line: Narrator#2 - Speaking about love
"After the first fall of ones life, they usually don't know how to get back up. Having to keep trying to pick yourself up one usually gets tired of the fact that no one is here to surrender or commit theirselves to helping you. Time just makes things get older and seems as though things never change. But at times people just come to another conclusion before looking at both sides. But when your in this word people call 'love' there's no getting out. Your stuck. Life keeps you trapped inside what seems as though this clastrophobic box that keeps getting smaller and at one point, the point we call the climax, it all feels as though it's going to just shrink so small, that you'll have no more room to move. This feeling isn't easy to get out of. This feeling doesn't go away as a simple old cold or cough one has during the cold times. This feeling. As the world may call it. Is the lords worst creation. Love. Maybe a good and powerfull thing. But as much as it is good to feel something as strong and free willing as this sometimes it's best to feel nothing at all. Love comes from all aspects and nothing stands in its way of breaking free. Expect the wall we put in front of it ourselves. This wall we say. We call it the breaking point. The very top of the wall is where it starts to crack and everything just seems to break through. Those feelings come to mind and soul. Once it's there. My friend there's no getting out at that point. This feeling spreads. The feeling spreads even faster than viruses can go into you. It catches you when you want to fall. It rises with you when your at the bottom, and slowly climbing up. Trends start to occur in your mind and those trends start to show in your shy actions. This slowly starts to develop into something more and then at one point.....that wall you see is no longer there and all those feelings you were hiding from are quickly seeping in. Covering all the spots you wish were empty. Filling all those wounds you wanted to repair yourself. But to your surprise you like the feeling of being helped and cared for. You enjoy having the feeling of someone always there before you take your next step, always by your side even if you don't know it , Love is a powerful thing that doesn't go away quickly if you want it to. Nothing seems to stop it from going into everything you've been hiding from the rest of the unknowlegdeable world. Center yourself. Find the one you want to see. Love doesn't come easy. But it sure makes a 'heck' of a world"
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I Wish I Had A Part of The Past
~~Voices Change Themselves..Then Hide~~
Things change..and then never come back to what they were before. Well, when you really care, transparent words start to repeat themselves in the emptyness you had in your head and fill those empty spots in. The words run wildly in thin air and begin to imagine what it really would have been like.. in reality.
Friend - Someone that you can count on. A trust that doesn't loose itself.. in a matter of time. Long or short, two or more people can run through any storm. Compress pass any hurrican. Glide through the tears..and most importantly help each other through anything. Strong... or weak.
Friendship - The Unbreakable bond of a friend. Sometimes things don't work well.. but.. that's what life is about. You get closer to someone.. then you go separate ways. But that makes you stronger when you come back.
So... what happens when you can't come back ? Things don't go back to normal.. and ... this time.. It's not just "you" in the way. It's someone you care about.
I'm tired of getting so (emotionally) close to someone and having then either leave... or just forget about me. Then they come back. Or still wanna be there. Not there.(emotionally) but physically...
What am i supposted to do about that?
The only thing that distracts me are the people that actually have joy in them. But as much as i try to smile. Those fake ones come back..and i thought the real me was coming back out.. for once.. she's pushed back in.
Everywhere I go.. i try to hold back tears, and everytime I try... and see a person happy with out me.....I just burst. I can't hold it in anymore.
The "me" that I knew. that has just come back out .. for a while.. just ... goes back in..and this time... for good.
~~ Voices Change Themselves.Then Hide~~
Things change..and then never come back to what they were before. Well, when you really care, transparent words start to repeat themselves in the emptyness you had in your head and fill those empty spots in. The words run wildly in thin air and begin to imagine what it really would have been like.. in reality.
Friend - Someone that you can count on. A trust that doesn't loose itself.. in a matter of time. Long or short, two or more people can run through any storm. Compress pass any hurrican. Glide through the tears..and most importantly help each other through anything. Strong... or weak.
Friendship - The Unbreakable bond of a friend. Sometimes things don't work well.. but.. that's what life is about. You get closer to someone.. then you go separate ways. But that makes you stronger when you come back.
So... what happens when you can't come back ? Things don't go back to normal.. and ... this time.. It's not just "you" in the way. It's someone you care about.
I'm tired of getting so (emotionally) close to someone and having then either leave... or just forget about me. Then they come back. Or still wanna be there. Not there.(emotionally) but physically...
What am i supposted to do about that?
The only thing that distracts me are the people that actually have joy in them. But as much as i try to smile. Those fake ones come back..and i thought the real me was coming back out.. for once.. she's pushed back in.
Everywhere I go.. i try to hold back tears, and everytime I try... and see a person happy with out me.....I just burst. I can't hold it in anymore.
The "me" that I knew. that has just come back out .. for a while.. just ... goes back in..and this time... for good.
~~ Voices Change Themselves.Then Hide~~
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tired And Hopeless In A World
~~ To tired To fight For those Who don't Care~~
You know that feeling you get sometimes when you can't have someone there, but then sometimes that alone hurts even more. Keeping anything there is useless to me. Rivers don't spand as much as you wish it would, bridges don't build themselves they need help to get across and be what they need to be. But what happens when no ones there to help? No one is willing to be there for you..So, what do you do in this scenario. Things change and then you just lay there.Dead.Fallen apart. Torn and separated. How do you repair yourself? Really? How does anything work anymore......
When you love someone, in any way, and they want to drift apart, if they want to leave....let them. If you care about them.. let them take their own path.. and be who they want to be in the mean time... you just have to find your own. And separate for a while. As painful as it can be. If you truly love the other person. Let them go. That's a sign of love. If you care...and honestly care. Just let go and ..........I guess ... if you can watch over them. Make sure if they want to come back. Take them in with more than open arms.
I'm tired of trying to get some where with people.. but have them turn on everything else out there. Not open themselves to all the other opportunities in front of them, Which I'm holding them back on. So, as much as I love all of the people I'm around and all the people that I'm invovled with, I don't know. I just wanna stop everything. Nothing's bound to last, in the place I'm in.
I just wanna stop everything now... and save myself from everything that's gonna happen in the future, that's gonna hurt me.
So, if I was gonna give myself, or anyone else, some advice it would be ... to always count on yourself.For anything. Nothing comes up to what you believe, nothing settles for any longer than a while.
The second title just explains itself. No need to explain.
~~Too tired to Fight for Those who Don't care~~
You know that feeling you get sometimes when you can't have someone there, but then sometimes that alone hurts even more. Keeping anything there is useless to me. Rivers don't spand as much as you wish it would, bridges don't build themselves they need help to get across and be what they need to be. But what happens when no ones there to help? No one is willing to be there for you..So, what do you do in this scenario. Things change and then you just lay there.Dead.Fallen apart. Torn and separated. How do you repair yourself? Really? How does anything work anymore......
When you love someone, in any way, and they want to drift apart, if they want to leave....let them. If you care about them.. let them take their own path.. and be who they want to be in the mean time... you just have to find your own. And separate for a while. As painful as it can be. If you truly love the other person. Let them go. That's a sign of love. If you care...and honestly care. Just let go and ..........I guess ... if you can watch over them. Make sure if they want to come back. Take them in with more than open arms.
I'm tired of trying to get some where with people.. but have them turn on everything else out there. Not open themselves to all the other opportunities in front of them, Which I'm holding them back on. So, as much as I love all of the people I'm around and all the people that I'm invovled with, I don't know. I just wanna stop everything. Nothing's bound to last, in the place I'm in.
I just wanna stop everything now... and save myself from everything that's gonna happen in the future, that's gonna hurt me.
So, if I was gonna give myself, or anyone else, some advice it would be ... to always count on yourself.For anything. Nothing comes up to what you believe, nothing settles for any longer than a while.
The second title just explains itself. No need to explain.
~~Too tired to Fight for Those who Don't care~~
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Save me
~~ Save me from the nothing I've become~~
- Evanescence
Trapped in an extremely small room.Did you put me here?
Help doesn't come, only looks at me and runs away.
- me
Scary..eh?
Lol.. I'm back to being my normal gloomy self.*sigh*
Isn't that a surprise? I'm honestly wondering only one thing right now.
If the people I'm around care about me, or even know me for that fact.
Wait..isn't that two things?
Well.. never mind that. ... But I'm just thinking that no one else really gets me other than my 3 other family members.They actually know when I'm not myself..while the others are just around me... and I have to wonder and sit there trying to wait to see if they get it. That I'm not really there. I'm there..physically, but not spiritually or emotionally. Erg... doesn't seen like I've been babbling about the same thing for about a week now? .. So how come no one gets it?
Even in school... no one can see that I'm faking a smile, or trying to force myself to talk happy without my family there with me. Funny thing is, the people that I'm around almost everyday, every second of the day, doesn't know me and .. surprisingly .. I think I spend more time with them than with my family, and they don't know me as well as I thought they should.
Crazy enough, the family doesn't have any problems with each other. Not that we ever did. But if this family were to screw up.. or some one were to come along the way and mess everything up... I think I'd go ballistic.
Sometimes I just wanna scream it out to people, and see if they get it then. But they don't. Even if I did people wouldn't get it, and it might seen that I'm really dependent on my family right now. And ya.... yes I am. Is there anything wrong with that? Lol...... great..I seem mad now.. don't I?
Well, in a way I kinda am.
People don't see it, and I literally scream it out at some times, and "still"they don't see it. ...
Well.. lets just see the next time I got for a fake smile...
Lets see who can bet the Quad.
I wanna see who can tell that I'm faking.
Btw--- Does anyone know why I choose those exact lyrics from the song from Evanescence?
Tell me the next time you see me! =)
- Evanescence
Trapped in an extremely small room.Did you put me here?
Help doesn't come, only looks at me and runs away.
- me
Scary..eh?
Lol.. I'm back to being my normal gloomy self.*sigh*
Isn't that a surprise? I'm honestly wondering only one thing right now.
If the people I'm around care about me, or even know me for that fact.
Wait..isn't that two things?
Well.. never mind that. ... But I'm just thinking that no one else really gets me other than my 3 other family members.They actually know when I'm not myself..while the others are just around me... and I have to wonder and sit there trying to wait to see if they get it. That I'm not really there. I'm there..physically, but not spiritually or emotionally. Erg... doesn't seen like I've been babbling about the same thing for about a week now? .. So how come no one gets it?
Even in school... no one can see that I'm faking a smile, or trying to force myself to talk happy without my family there with me. Funny thing is, the people that I'm around almost everyday, every second of the day, doesn't know me and .. surprisingly .. I think I spend more time with them than with my family, and they don't know me as well as I thought they should.
Crazy enough, the family doesn't have any problems with each other. Not that we ever did. But if this family were to screw up.. or some one were to come along the way and mess everything up... I think I'd go ballistic.
Sometimes I just wanna scream it out to people, and see if they get it then. But they don't. Even if I did people wouldn't get it, and it might seen that I'm really dependent on my family right now. And ya.... yes I am. Is there anything wrong with that? Lol...... great..I seem mad now.. don't I?
Well, in a way I kinda am.
People don't see it, and I literally scream it out at some times, and "still"they don't see it. ...
Well.. lets just see the next time I got for a fake smile...
Lets see who can bet the Quad.
I wanna see who can tell that I'm faking.
Btw--- Does anyone know why I choose those exact lyrics from the song from Evanescence?
Tell me the next time you see me! =)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
....Cries doesn't help none
~~ safe is just a state of mind~~
When you think they all know
they rise against you.
When you feel the safest
fire attacks, and your down again.
When everyone says they care
they turn on you.
When hate comes to rule all....
love doesn't strike back.......
Maybe I'm just being foolish, but do you really know me?
You think you can read me like an open book
you say you know what's meant to be.
The walls are silent like broken corners
the seals are no more, the cracks are leaking
everything is breaking.
My boarder.
Justice can't stand.
Karma suddenly falls back.
The once open blue sky, of white clouds
turns pitch black.
They say they know who you are
but do they really?
When you cry they stand back and
they wonder maybe.
Jokes don't come as jokes.
Surprises don't surprise you
because you've learned alot
from all that you've been through.
So each lesson learned has a new moral to reveal
You just have to know when to close it,
and seal.
When you think they all know
they rise against you.
When you feel the safest
fire attacks, and your down again.
When everyone says they care
they turn on you.
When hate comes to rule all....
love doesn't strike back.......
Maybe I'm just being foolish, but do you really know me?
You think you can read me like an open book
you say you know what's meant to be.
The walls are silent like broken corners
the seals are no more, the cracks are leaking
everything is breaking.
My boarder.
Justice can't stand.
Karma suddenly falls back.
The once open blue sky, of white clouds
turns pitch black.
They say they know who you are
but do they really?
When you cry they stand back and
they wonder maybe.
Jokes don't come as jokes.
Surprises don't surprise you
because you've learned alot
from all that you've been through.
So each lesson learned has a new moral to reveal
You just have to know when to close it,
and seal.
Well....Here goes
Romeo and Juliet
Maybe it didn't happen today, or the day before
Skys pasts the moon and by then
I realize that I love you more
You wipe up my tears
and drown me in your happiness
Smiles across your face
You sweep me off my feet and
seal it with a kiss
Today is a new day
and I can't wait for tomorrow
Because I know that
if I see you you'll take
back all the sorrow
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Blog?????? =)
~ A change in Creativity #2~
Lol, this is my second ATTEMPED at being happy for one in a blog. Lol......
This will be funny. Many other people have told me the same thing...*cough cough*MOYASHI*cough cough* and others. But.. I'm almost 100 percent sure that imma be writing about something emo-ish.
Well the first thing I wanna tell you about is my family....no... not that family at home.. cause I just don't like that one... but the family we have at school.
Dont think we're lonely.. cause ...well... actually some of us are...*cough cough* Daniel*cough cough* LMAO... just kidding.. But ya.... My family of school is THE best!!!! =)
Ok ... let me just write...er...type out ALL of my families at school for you.
Family #1
Shazia ( Fyi..,.I'm kinda scared for this family )
Nafisa
Ayesha
Family #2
Tamyka
Shanicka
Kelly
Shazia
Klinton ( Z retard .. HEHEHE)
Family # 3 ( one of my personal favourites)
Annie
Moyashi (Melanie)
Daniel Miranda ( This family is fricken FUNNY/Weird/Retarded/ Crazy/Helpful
So ... DO NOT....DO NOT!!! ... HATE ON US......
WE WILL GO NUTS (LOUD DRUM BANG) ON YOU IF YOU DO=))
TEEHEE !!! =)
As you can see, family #3 is the one of the smallest... But I think it's what I like/love about it.
We get along just fine... we don't fight or bicker at anytime.... Which makes all of us happy=) This family is permanent and will ALWAYS be. Most of our families are being separated but this one is the only one that I think will stay for as long as we keep it... and honestly we ALL wanna keep it as it is..and stay together for as long as we can. Family 3 is one that was just made,,,, but they were all there for me since .....since....a while. Lol.. i can't really remember how long.. but for as long as I can remember we all got along. Daniel, Moyashi and I have known each other since grade 1 and hopefully will know each other until...until... as long as we can.. But Annie is one year older than us, but as for her....the sad thing is she's moving to H.S this year.... Boo
We're gonna miss ya ANN!!!!! Next year is gonna be terrible without the Quad as a FULL Quad...:(
Well...... you might think we're such a happy happy family ...
But ...sadly... no ...
The QUAD .....(loud drumming sounds)
" DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!"
THE QUAD HAS HATERS !!!
YAY !!! Lol ...
As a happy family we are... on Friday, May 8. 2009 (Wth the date it sounds like one of those cop shows.. Lmao) The whole quad family hung out... and then that started a whole lot of hate..
Who knew spending lunch recess with a few people.. like.. only once... will start alot of drama..
Well.. now.. a few of the girls are ignoring me.. and acting like a (excuse my language) botch.Reoplace the "o" with a "i" Lmao.......
But ya... some of em ... *cough cough* walk away from me... and some don't talk to me...others take "the" nicest approach.. and yell at me.. Lol ..
" JENNY!!!! YOU ARE STUPID!!"
"I didn't see you this recess....why is that? ..."( looks at the family)
That's usually what they say.
But as the nice famly we are... we stick up for each other. So one of my family members got mad at some of the people that were making me mad... .but ya.. she got mad more than I did,, Lmao
Love ya Moyashi and Ann!! ... and Danny ..(I had to say that.. or he'll kill me...)
Family #1 has currently been on a bumpy road...
As for information I can't say on the net... we have ALOT of issues to deal with right now....
I'm not so sure if we can go through most of em though..we'll just see ...
Family #2 ...
Lol.. I dont even know how this one started out...some of the people in there use to HATE me and now..we're in the same family ... Lol
Funny ..eh? Lol...
I wanna see how this family will be like after a couple more weeks.. funny thing is ... family 2 has started waaayyy before family 3 and family 3 is the one im closest to..right now...
Of course family 1 is very close to me.. but....we're not ALL close with each other
Lol
YAY !!!!
I made it through one happy blog without ... saying,,,many things...
that were emo..Lmao
YAY!! You people happy ?? Lmao
But im pretty sure ..after a while.. ill be back to my normal emo self!!
Well.. i hope you people enjoyed looking at my families!! Lol
Byezz
Lol, this is my second ATTEMPED at being happy for one in a blog. Lol......
This will be funny. Many other people have told me the same thing...*cough cough*MOYASHI*cough cough* and others. But.. I'm almost 100 percent sure that imma be writing about something emo-ish.
Well the first thing I wanna tell you about is my family....no... not that family at home.. cause I just don't like that one... but the family we have at school.
Dont think we're lonely.. cause ...well... actually some of us are...*cough cough* Daniel*cough cough* LMAO... just kidding.. But ya.... My family of school is THE best!!!! =)
Ok ... let me just write...er...type out ALL of my families at school for you.
Family #1
Shazia ( Fyi..,.I'm kinda scared for this family )
Nafisa
Ayesha
Family #2
Tamyka
Shanicka
Kelly
Shazia
Klinton ( Z retard .. HEHEHE)
Family # 3 ( one of my personal favourites)
Annie
Moyashi (Melanie)
Daniel Miranda ( This family is fricken FUNNY/Weird/Retarded/ Crazy/Helpful
So ... DO NOT....DO NOT!!! ... HATE ON US......
WE WILL GO NUTS (LOUD DRUM BANG) ON YOU IF YOU DO=))
TEEHEE !!! =)
As you can see, family #3 is the one of the smallest... But I think it's what I like/love about it.
We get along just fine... we don't fight or bicker at anytime.... Which makes all of us happy=) This family is permanent and will ALWAYS be. Most of our families are being separated but this one is the only one that I think will stay for as long as we keep it... and honestly we ALL wanna keep it as it is..and stay together for as long as we can. Family 3 is one that was just made,,,, but they were all there for me since .....since....a while. Lol.. i can't really remember how long.. but for as long as I can remember we all got along. Daniel, Moyashi and I have known each other since grade 1 and hopefully will know each other until...until... as long as we can.. But Annie is one year older than us, but as for her....the sad thing is she's moving to H.S this year.... Boo
We're gonna miss ya ANN!!!!! Next year is gonna be terrible without the Quad as a FULL Quad...:(
Well...... you might think we're such a happy happy family ...
But ...sadly... no ...
The QUAD .....(loud drumming sounds)
" DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!"
THE QUAD HAS HATERS !!!
YAY !!! Lol ...
As a happy family we are... on Friday, May 8. 2009 (Wth the date it sounds like one of those cop shows.. Lmao) The whole quad family hung out... and then that started a whole lot of hate..
Who knew spending lunch recess with a few people.. like.. only once... will start alot of drama..
Well.. now.. a few of the girls are ignoring me.. and acting like a (excuse my language) botch.Reoplace the "o" with a "i" Lmao.......
But ya... some of em ... *cough cough* walk away from me... and some don't talk to me...others take "the" nicest approach.. and yell at me.. Lol ..
" JENNY!!!! YOU ARE STUPID!!"
"I didn't see you this recess....why is that? ..."( looks at the family)
That's usually what they say.
But as the nice famly we are... we stick up for each other. So one of my family members got mad at some of the people that were making me mad... .but ya.. she got mad more than I did,, Lmao
Love ya Moyashi and Ann!! ... and Danny ..(I had to say that.. or he'll kill me...)
Family #1 has currently been on a bumpy road...
As for information I can't say on the net... we have ALOT of issues to deal with right now....
I'm not so sure if we can go through most of em though..we'll just see ...
Family #2 ...
Lol.. I dont even know how this one started out...some of the people in there use to HATE me and now..we're in the same family ... Lol
Funny ..eh? Lol...
I wanna see how this family will be like after a couple more weeks.. funny thing is ... family 2 has started waaayyy before family 3 and family 3 is the one im closest to..right now...
Of course family 1 is very close to me.. but....we're not ALL close with each other
Lol
YAY !!!!
I made it through one happy blog without ... saying,,,many things...
that were emo..Lmao
YAY!! You people happy ?? Lmao
But im pretty sure ..after a while.. ill be back to my normal emo self!!
Well.. i hope you people enjoyed looking at my families!! Lol
Byezz
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tonight is The End
~ Some things come to an end ~
When people you think is the best and is supposted to be there for you... turns on you.
Just give up.
You know everything I've said about staying there and then being your own person .. well forget that shit... It's just a bunch of lies that everyone says to make you feel better.
Nothing in this world is real. Everything and everyone in it is just a huge obstacle that you have to face. I know .. i sound like a hypocrite ..right?
Well .... this might be kinda long.. and you might not wanna read this..for emotional reasons..
I'm gonna tell you now... if your very close to me... don't read it. Please.
Well.....here goes. .......
I never really told anyone this ... but .. I grew up with very abusive parents, both emotionally and physically. Home.. is now "the" worst place for me to be. I've dealt with it a couple times... and have threatened to call the police. But nothing seems to work. Parents are "supposted" to be the best people in your life. Maybe not all the time, cause any normal, family would at least have a couple issues with their kids, but my family.... is very different.
My home life is a constant battle field and over these past few days.. it's gotten even worse. Family problems seems to come up out of no where these days, and as much as I want to fix it... I don't want to now.....
I live with my biological mom. step dad, and half brother...Other parts of my family come over once in a while to visit .. or some times even spend a couple of nights. But when others are here. My family puts on an act. We're the perfect family once anyone steps foot in our house... and yes, im guilty of that too. But what child doesn't want others to think their family is the best and no one can compare. But each child hides a dark and painful fear...... ( maybe not each .... but .. the unlucky ones) ...their parents are monsters.
Monsters?... maybe not the best word to use...
Not all people are monsters..all the time... everyone has a bad side.. and even me.
But the difference between a child and an adult is.. the child can admit their mistakes, faulse actions... and of course .. wrong behavior..
As for the adults I know nothing goes right... im the one to blame after everything goes wrong.. and ...as for kids... like me..
Trust me on this.... and this .. I won't change my mind to ...
If you don't do something now.....Pain will haunt you.
Scarey ...eh? .. Ya...I kinda feel that way right now. I hope im not scaring you too much... wanna keep the scarier things last.
Well... let me just start off with...
I really REALLY don'y enjoy my life at home...
Of course you might already know that.
Suicide was a thought ... at one point.. but why waste "my" life....
just because of some stupid people I don't like to see...... well.... thing is ..I see them every two seconds of the day.. or hear about them every five.
Beatings? ...Hmmmmmmmm
Isn't that what kids give each other on thier birthdays?
Well... Ya... but have you ever thought of it as a punishment?
Honestly?
If you've ever seen a little child being hurt... you'll know that it doesn't look so great from a far... so ... why be the ones doing it?
Honestly. .... I don't know why people do that.
Me?,,,,, im pretty little myself .... but ...don't get me wrong.. I can handle myself.
But ... not all at once and out of the blue.
If you know me well enough..... Or ... if you know me at all.. and have seen my left arm..
It's full of scratchs.. and marks...
Well..... I made them... For every scene or situation im put through.. and I don't know what to do... I (dont think this is stupid) Put a mark for it. ...surprisingly....
No one ever asked what each mark meant.. well...
there's another secret.. to not ever tell... But imma just say.... that most of the marks are because of parental problems...ergg
Isn't that great? ... scaring myself with the situations i can't handle..
Maybe it is my fault that my parents and I aren't close enough... but... as long as i've lived ... my parents have never given (parden my language) a shit about me.. so... why start now?
Ever since grade 1 .. or something like that...
The only people i could rely on... were my friends... but.. I don't think they know that.. But I hope they know how important they are to my life... not only because I have no one else.. but the fact that they're always there for me.. even if we're in a fight .. or mad at each other... They're always there... Thanx
Scars leave marks...but as long as you count them out.. You'll hardly ever see them again..
Funny ..eh?
Family is always "known" as "the most" important thing...
But to me... it really isn't...
Not for everybody.
This is really the first time i've ever told anyone about abusement.
Family abusement...any way...
I've been hearing alot of things... like ...
call the police.. or ... ( you can laugh at this one )
Kids help phone..
But honestly .. those won't really do anything.
I just have to deal with it.. for about 5 more years...
More yelling ...shreiking... and .. holering.. I have to hear.. For FIVE !!! more years....
When living with a mom .. that's just like a teenage girl.... in a sense.. it's hard..
I have enough of teenage girls.. gossiping about me.. BEHIND my back .. but I have to deal with another... wannabe teenaged girl at home.. that gossips about me to other family and her friends... in FRONT of me...
Well .. i've said things to her,,, and yelled some more back... maybe not the best thing to do... but... i was mad... don't blame me ...
Well.. thats one thing my mom and i have in common .... the love for yelling...
Well..... just for the record.. im pretty sure you people reading are wondering ...
"Why don't you just find a new place to live?" ..
The answer to that is.... I've had many opportunities to do so .... but the truth is ..
i didnt wanna lose more people that i actually cared about....
But now i have "another" chance
....
But .. as much as i want to take it... i cant
Loosing the people i know cares for me .. is alot more painful...
than physical pain .. or any kind of emotional pain those others can cause..
But i'll just say that ... not only is life a journey...
But the only journey you have to face ... is the journey others set on you. ....
~ some things come to an end ~
When people you think is the best and is supposted to be there for you... turns on you.
Just give up.
You know everything I've said about staying there and then being your own person .. well forget that shit... It's just a bunch of lies that everyone says to make you feel better.
Nothing in this world is real. Everything and everyone in it is just a huge obstacle that you have to face. I know .. i sound like a hypocrite ..right?
Well .... this might be kinda long.. and you might not wanna read this..for emotional reasons..
I'm gonna tell you now... if your very close to me... don't read it. Please.
Well.....here goes. .......
I never really told anyone this ... but .. I grew up with very abusive parents, both emotionally and physically. Home.. is now "the" worst place for me to be. I've dealt with it a couple times... and have threatened to call the police. But nothing seems to work. Parents are "supposted" to be the best people in your life. Maybe not all the time, cause any normal, family would at least have a couple issues with their kids, but my family.... is very different.
My home life is a constant battle field and over these past few days.. it's gotten even worse. Family problems seems to come up out of no where these days, and as much as I want to fix it... I don't want to now.....
I live with my biological mom. step dad, and half brother...Other parts of my family come over once in a while to visit .. or some times even spend a couple of nights. But when others are here. My family puts on an act. We're the perfect family once anyone steps foot in our house... and yes, im guilty of that too. But what child doesn't want others to think their family is the best and no one can compare. But each child hides a dark and painful fear...... ( maybe not each .... but .. the unlucky ones) ...their parents are monsters.
Monsters?... maybe not the best word to use...
Not all people are monsters..all the time... everyone has a bad side.. and even me.
But the difference between a child and an adult is.. the child can admit their mistakes, faulse actions... and of course .. wrong behavior..
As for the adults I know nothing goes right... im the one to blame after everything goes wrong.. and ...as for kids... like me..
Trust me on this.... and this .. I won't change my mind to ...
If you don't do something now.....Pain will haunt you.
Scarey ...eh? .. Ya...I kinda feel that way right now. I hope im not scaring you too much... wanna keep the scarier things last.
Well... let me just start off with...
I really REALLY don'y enjoy my life at home...
Of course you might already know that.
Suicide was a thought ... at one point.. but why waste "my" life....
just because of some stupid people I don't like to see...... well.... thing is ..I see them every two seconds of the day.. or hear about them every five.
Beatings? ...Hmmmmmmmm
Isn't that what kids give each other on thier birthdays?
Well... Ya... but have you ever thought of it as a punishment?
Honestly?
If you've ever seen a little child being hurt... you'll know that it doesn't look so great from a far... so ... why be the ones doing it?
Honestly. .... I don't know why people do that.
Me?,,,,, im pretty little myself .... but ...don't get me wrong.. I can handle myself.
But ... not all at once and out of the blue.
If you know me well enough..... Or ... if you know me at all.. and have seen my left arm..
It's full of scratchs.. and marks...
Well..... I made them... For every scene or situation im put through.. and I don't know what to do... I (dont think this is stupid) Put a mark for it. ...surprisingly....
No one ever asked what each mark meant.. well...
there's another secret.. to not ever tell... But imma just say.... that most of the marks are because of parental problems...ergg
Isn't that great? ... scaring myself with the situations i can't handle..
Maybe it is my fault that my parents and I aren't close enough... but... as long as i've lived ... my parents have never given (parden my language) a shit about me.. so... why start now?
Ever since grade 1 .. or something like that...
The only people i could rely on... were my friends... but.. I don't think they know that.. But I hope they know how important they are to my life... not only because I have no one else.. but the fact that they're always there for me.. even if we're in a fight .. or mad at each other... They're always there... Thanx
Scars leave marks...but as long as you count them out.. You'll hardly ever see them again..
Funny ..eh?
Family is always "known" as "the most" important thing...
But to me... it really isn't...
Not for everybody.
This is really the first time i've ever told anyone about abusement.
Family abusement...any way...
I've been hearing alot of things... like ...
call the police.. or ... ( you can laugh at this one )
Kids help phone..
But honestly .. those won't really do anything.
I just have to deal with it.. for about 5 more years...
More yelling ...shreiking... and .. holering.. I have to hear.. For FIVE !!! more years....
When living with a mom .. that's just like a teenage girl.... in a sense.. it's hard..
I have enough of teenage girls.. gossiping about me.. BEHIND my back .. but I have to deal with another... wannabe teenaged girl at home.. that gossips about me to other family and her friends... in FRONT of me...
Well .. i've said things to her,,, and yelled some more back... maybe not the best thing to do... but... i was mad... don't blame me ...
Well.. thats one thing my mom and i have in common .... the love for yelling...
Well..... just for the record.. im pretty sure you people reading are wondering ...
"Why don't you just find a new place to live?" ..
The answer to that is.... I've had many opportunities to do so .... but the truth is ..
i didnt wanna lose more people that i actually cared about....
But now i have "another" chance
....
But .. as much as i want to take it... i cant
Loosing the people i know cares for me .. is alot more painful...
than physical pain .. or any kind of emotional pain those others can cause..
But i'll just say that ... not only is life a journey...
But the only journey you have to face ... is the journey others set on you. ....
~ some things come to an end ~
Friday, May 1, 2009
~~Complain to the unknown~~
*Sigh*.....Unlike my last blog. I'll tell you now, that this is not going to be happy. What so ever. Not a bit of happy light on the current situations being sheded. Maybe not to me, I don't know about the rest of you. But just to be hidden I'll talk in poetic language just so the people in the situation won't know. But if you know me well enough and have actually gone through this with me, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. But maybe you won't, cause like I said, not many people know what I'm going through, I mean you know the jest of it. But you don't know my perspective on the idea. That is mostly my fault, but its my decision, no one else's, so I guess everyone around me will have to deal.....right? *sigh* But once you don't let anyone into your heart, it just makes more problems and ..if you know my life...i dont really need anymore.
So...here goes. If you understand what I'm sayin leaving a comment..but...just don'y tell everyone else what the message is really about.
When the lights go dark and the rivers
dont seem to flow the way it did before
Nothing takes you back home
The home you loved to call home
The home you wished would stay forever
Turns out your wrong
Corners start to cave in
Lives start to go missing
Everything you ever knew .....
was gone
Lost in a world full of optimistics
Joy and wonder fill every corner there is to cross
Boarders between "happy" and "sad" are never crossed
........................
Until today
Happy was my side of life, once apon a time
Until grief swifted over me for a period
Once I crossed paths, I never returned
Didnt even want to turn my head to the other side
Another cry from me was let out
no one here to see or hear them
Nothing left to say
No one to cry too
Nothing to care for
Well ... let me just say .." Nothing to care for" ..
isn't true. I have many things to care for. ... family, friends, etc
Maybe it's just that.. i've never been " myself" if you can call it that for a long while.
"Me" has never come out in some time. When shes locked away in a corner like that, I personaly don't think she'll come out any time soon. I had this conversation with a friend once and it went along the lines of deep ---- and then ---sensitive. You see, that conversation really hit home for me. Not knowing that me and this person were friends...when she actually wanted the "real" me to come out. It felt natural.
I know that I'll get plenty of questions for the title ..so I'll go a head and say it now.
" Coomplain to the Unknown" actually represents "me" and my current status.
All though many have agreed to stick with me ... "to the end" ( so called....) I don't think there is an end. Good thing ..right?..Means that we're all gonna stay friends "forever" ( so called ...) Yes.... that is a good thing .. saying that i don't want to let go of the past and everything that was invovled in it. Including people. But saying "forever" hurts me..... Lately there has been a lot of things going on and one of them. believe it or not, has to do with a *cough cough* Other gender*cough cough*. Embarressing ..right?
Well ... I'm not going to say the whole deal ... but I'll just mention that it invovles not only me..but others... and others that have brought there way into it.
Well I'll just start off my saying that... nothing goes easy in a *cough cough* boy and girl*cough cough* situation .. espeically when there's others invovled.. but theres always one person that has everyone talking about it and someone to talk to ... perferably if they are open to talk about it .. and then .. there's someone like me ....
A person that doesn't like to talk about love-y dove-y stuff... and can admit she feels is .. but never says it aloud. Is that the problem you ask? ... Maybe ... Maybe not .. never know ,..,,, I never found out .. tell you once I do though... kinda curious myself ...
Well.. . like i was saying .. there's one person that can have a speical other person there to help them.... but me.... I dont... People say they "can" talk to me.. and they "would" if I would talk to them.. but I think that's going to happen any time soon...
Complaing to the unknown really actually stands for talking it out to myself .. as for now.. i call myself the "unknown" ..( flash back---uninvited movie trailer..OOHHH .,,, SCArey.. lmao) but still ... as in like any other situation .. I dont have anyone to talk to ,,,, maybe not just friends.. but ..... .. I try to talk it out with my self
..Now don't go thining the wrong thing .. i dont sit in my bed alone at night and then start talking out of no where .. like a total goon.. but ..... as far as thoughts goes .. my head
... is always occupied ...
~~ Complain to the Unknown~~
*Sigh*.....Unlike my last blog. I'll tell you now, that this is not going to be happy. What so ever. Not a bit of happy light on the current situations being sheded. Maybe not to me, I don't know about the rest of you. But just to be hidden I'll talk in poetic language just so the people in the situation won't know. But if you know me well enough and have actually gone through this with me, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. But maybe you won't, cause like I said, not many people know what I'm going through, I mean you know the jest of it. But you don't know my perspective on the idea. That is mostly my fault, but its my decision, no one else's, so I guess everyone around me will have to deal.....right? *sigh* But once you don't let anyone into your heart, it just makes more problems and ..if you know my life...i dont really need anymore.
So...here goes. If you understand what I'm sayin leaving a comment..but...just don'y tell everyone else what the message is really about.
When the lights go dark and the rivers
dont seem to flow the way it did before
Nothing takes you back home
The home you loved to call home
The home you wished would stay forever
Turns out your wrong
Corners start to cave in
Lives start to go missing
Everything you ever knew .....
was gone
Lost in a world full of optimistics
Joy and wonder fill every corner there is to cross
Boarders between "happy" and "sad" are never crossed
........................
Until today
Happy was my side of life, once apon a time
Until grief swifted over me for a period
Once I crossed paths, I never returned
Didnt even want to turn my head to the other side
Another cry from me was let out
no one here to see or hear them
Nothing left to say
No one to cry too
Nothing to care for
Well ... let me just say .." Nothing to care for" ..
isn't true. I have many things to care for. ... family, friends, etc
Maybe it's just that.. i've never been " myself" if you can call it that for a long while.
"Me" has never come out in some time. When shes locked away in a corner like that, I personaly don't think she'll come out any time soon. I had this conversation with a friend once and it went along the lines of deep ---- and then ---sensitive. You see, that conversation really hit home for me. Not knowing that me and this person were friends...when she actually wanted the "real" me to come out. It felt natural.
I know that I'll get plenty of questions for the title ..so I'll go a head and say it now.
" Coomplain to the Unknown" actually represents "me" and my current status.
All though many have agreed to stick with me ... "to the end" ( so called....) I don't think there is an end. Good thing ..right?..Means that we're all gonna stay friends "forever" ( so called ...) Yes.... that is a good thing .. saying that i don't want to let go of the past and everything that was invovled in it. Including people. But saying "forever" hurts me..... Lately there has been a lot of things going on and one of them. believe it or not, has to do with a *cough cough* Other gender*cough cough*. Embarressing ..right?
Well ... I'm not going to say the whole deal ... but I'll just mention that it invovles not only me..but others... and others that have brought there way into it.
Well I'll just start off my saying that... nothing goes easy in a *cough cough* boy and girl*cough cough* situation .. espeically when there's others invovled.. but theres always one person that has everyone talking about it and someone to talk to ... perferably if they are open to talk about it .. and then .. there's someone like me ....
A person that doesn't like to talk about love-y dove-y stuff... and can admit she feels is .. but never says it aloud. Is that the problem you ask? ... Maybe ... Maybe not .. never know ,..,,, I never found out .. tell you once I do though... kinda curious myself ...
Well.. . like i was saying .. there's one person that can have a speical other person there to help them.... but me.... I dont... People say they "can" talk to me.. and they "would" if I would talk to them.. but I think that's going to happen any time soon...
Complaing to the unknown really actually stands for talking it out to myself .. as for now.. i call myself the "unknown" ..( flash back---uninvited movie trailer..OOHHH .,,, SCArey.. lmao) but still ... as in like any other situation .. I dont have anyone to talk to ,,,, maybe not just friends.. but ..... .. I try to talk it out with my self
..Now don't go thining the wrong thing .. i dont sit in my bed alone at night and then start talking out of no where .. like a total goon.. but ..... as far as thoughts goes .. my head
... is always occupied ...
~~ Complain to the Unknown~~
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Come Along
~~A Change In Creativity ~~
Recently I've been given a few tips, on how to change my writing. Lmao
I was told that my writing was to.....dark... if you know what I mean...
well ,,,,some people that I know *cough* like my ideas but .... just not the fact that i keep on writing things that are to sad, Gothic and dreading. Which i agree with after i re-read what i write. lmao ... its kinda funny.
So on the other hand.. I'm not going to stop writing ... which is impossible...literally.. i cant stop writing..it's like my home away from home. If you know what that expression means. I write when ever I'm feeling anything .. lol
funny...eh? Cuz usually I'm feeling something...which means....
I "always" need a piece of paper with me and a pencil to write with.
Usually home is where I get mad and start writing. School? ... at school i just keep to myself and hide myself from anything new that's happening. Don't get me wrong i join in... I'm just ... not that "into" it.. i don't really care 'bout whats happening around me. I just need a good book and the teacher teaching. School "use to be" my favourite place... some where I always wanted to go to just get away from my parents and the problems at home. It doesn't always work though. You see, unlike myself others can see that problems follow you literally "everywhere". Where ever you go... there's gonna be something to bug you.
Hey.... i just remembered ... I'm not supposed to talk about depressing things... well .. kinda to late now .. eh?
well.. to bad ... I'm kinda into by now.
Like I've been saying... school .... isn't my favourite place anymore. I don't think people notice.. but whenever I smile .. which isn't a lot anymore... but when I do ... it's all fake.. none of it is real..well.. not most of 'em. But the majority of my smiles are fake. This is cause the "real" me doesn't come out anymore. It never does. And if anyone ever "really" knows me they'd know why..but in most cases they don't know me. No one does. I know people who say they do but if they did they'd do something and know exactly what to do...which they don't.. so... as in every tragedy.... nothing is solved and everything is just a big mess in the end which is not my ideal situation.
Wonder why..eh? why do I hide myself? Well .. its not really my story to tell.. well.. not "all" my story that is... i don't really wanna reveal anything here.. just in case anyone in the situation sees it..lol ... so "cli che " .. Lol..
You see, there's to many things to worry about these days so I don't wanna cause anymore problems and get people upset by acting all sad..all that does is make people wonder. And if you know the people i know wondering is just the same thing as gossiping and that in turn causes more problems which I have to be involved in.
Lately I've been hearing things about a "new" beginning and starting your life over....the social part of it anyway..... like going to a new school and finding new friends.... I say that's useless.. but people don't believe me ... maybe ..maybe not it's true .. but starting over .. just gives the people you knew a burden. If you move the people that love you, back in the place you were before, will act sad.. and actually feel it and show is.. physically. But I've been giving that a thought too. If I moved not many would care, or if you can excuse my language, give a crap. They wouldn't and I know it. If i left today and never came back tomorrow some people would ask where I am.. but I'm pretty sure in a couple of days it'll just die down and the news about me being gone would...be gone..=)
Boys,girls, teachers,parents, siblings.........that's to many issues for me to deal with... and no offence to any religious people.. but dying right now .. is probably a good idea.. but wait!!!!
Put down the phone ... 911 wont help.. I'm not about to commit suicide, im too smart for that.. lol
All im saying is.. if I was going to be in an accident I honestly wouldn't be in much emotional pain. Missing the people I would meiss is bad enough and a huge weight on my back. But to be truthful, and i've never said this before, but the people that I have issues with and the problem its self is getting to me..and if ending it off like that is the way to go.. then its ok .. and to be leaving the world at this exact point is what I want because right now the people and issues in my life (the bad part anyway )is over weighing happiness in all points of life.
Wow...I bet I'm gonna get a lot of complaints about this one... no doubt
But im ready for it... give me your hardest questions.... go head.
Complain away........
~~ A change In Creativity ~~
Recently I've been given a few tips, on how to change my writing. Lmao
I was told that my writing was to.....dark... if you know what I mean...
well ,,,,some people that I know *cough* like my ideas but .... just not the fact that i keep on writing things that are to sad, Gothic and dreading. Which i agree with after i re-read what i write. lmao ... its kinda funny.
So on the other hand.. I'm not going to stop writing ... which is impossible...literally.. i cant stop writing..it's like my home away from home. If you know what that expression means. I write when ever I'm feeling anything .. lol
funny...eh? Cuz usually I'm feeling something...which means....
I "always" need a piece of paper with me and a pencil to write with.
Usually home is where I get mad and start writing. School? ... at school i just keep to myself and hide myself from anything new that's happening. Don't get me wrong i join in... I'm just ... not that "into" it.. i don't really care 'bout whats happening around me. I just need a good book and the teacher teaching. School "use to be" my favourite place... some where I always wanted to go to just get away from my parents and the problems at home. It doesn't always work though. You see, unlike myself others can see that problems follow you literally "everywhere". Where ever you go... there's gonna be something to bug you.
Hey.... i just remembered ... I'm not supposed to talk about depressing things... well .. kinda to late now .. eh?
well.. to bad ... I'm kinda into by now.
Like I've been saying... school .... isn't my favourite place anymore. I don't think people notice.. but whenever I smile .. which isn't a lot anymore... but when I do ... it's all fake.. none of it is real..well.. not most of 'em. But the majority of my smiles are fake. This is cause the "real" me doesn't come out anymore. It never does. And if anyone ever "really" knows me they'd know why..but in most cases they don't know me. No one does. I know people who say they do but if they did they'd do something and know exactly what to do...which they don't.. so... as in every tragedy.... nothing is solved and everything is just a big mess in the end which is not my ideal situation.
Wonder why..eh? why do I hide myself? Well .. its not really my story to tell.. well.. not "all" my story that is... i don't really wanna reveal anything here.. just in case anyone in the situation sees it..lol ... so "cli che " .. Lol..
You see, there's to many things to worry about these days so I don't wanna cause anymore problems and get people upset by acting all sad..all that does is make people wonder. And if you know the people i know wondering is just the same thing as gossiping and that in turn causes more problems which I have to be involved in.
Lately I've been hearing things about a "new" beginning and starting your life over....the social part of it anyway..... like going to a new school and finding new friends.... I say that's useless.. but people don't believe me ... maybe ..maybe not it's true .. but starting over .. just gives the people you knew a burden. If you move the people that love you, back in the place you were before, will act sad.. and actually feel it and show is.. physically. But I've been giving that a thought too. If I moved not many would care, or if you can excuse my language, give a crap. They wouldn't and I know it. If i left today and never came back tomorrow some people would ask where I am.. but I'm pretty sure in a couple of days it'll just die down and the news about me being gone would...be gone..=)
Boys,girls, teachers,parents, siblings.........that's to many issues for me to deal with... and no offence to any religious people.. but dying right now .. is probably a good idea.. but wait!!!!
Put down the phone ... 911 wont help.. I'm not about to commit suicide, im too smart for that.. lol
All im saying is.. if I was going to be in an accident I honestly wouldn't be in much emotional pain. Missing the people I would meiss is bad enough and a huge weight on my back. But to be truthful, and i've never said this before, but the people that I have issues with and the problem its self is getting to me..and if ending it off like that is the way to go.. then its ok .. and to be leaving the world at this exact point is what I want because right now the people and issues in my life (the bad part anyway )is over weighing happiness in all points of life.
Wow...I bet I'm gonna get a lot of complaints about this one... no doubt
But im ready for it... give me your hardest questions.... go head.
Complain away........
~~ A change In Creativity ~~
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Way Of Life ....
Sometimes walking through the world with a huge
smile is not always the best thing to do
Sometimes staying with yourself is the best
Learning to do so is not always easy
Yes there will be people who try to stop you,
but trying to get over them is a lesson within its self
smile is not always the best thing to do
Sometimes staying with yourself is the best
Learning to do so is not always easy
Yes there will be people who try to stop you,
but trying to get over them is a lesson within its self
Bird Fly Away
If your heart desires sumthing ... oh so badly
dont hide ur mind .... dont hide ...dont run into a corner and keep ur beautiful eyes from the world blindly ...
If your scared of hurting a friend .. Know that shes not sore
She may hurt and have the fakest,harmless, smile... but shes not as hurt anymore
Bird ... You need to spread your wings and fly
as hard as things are now .. u need to no
who u are
Dedication ---> Unknown
( bird, you know who you are)
dont hide ur mind .... dont hide ...dont run into a corner and keep ur beautiful eyes from the world blindly ...
If your scared of hurting a friend .. Know that shes not sore
She may hurt and have the fakest,harmless, smile... but shes not as hurt anymore
Bird ... You need to spread your wings and fly
as hard as things are now .. u need to no
who u are
Dedication ---> Unknown
( bird, you know who you are)
Lost
If you've ever lost someone that was close to you, you'd know how it feels.
Knowing them for so long .. and then...poof...they're gone. Disappeared. Unknown factor.. but that's the way of life. The circle of how things run. No one can stop it, or change it, but we wish we could..... Things would be a lot easier if we all could.
The dark cloud settled on my happy afternoon
leaving nothing to be seen but the stars and the moon
over a crowded room and a small space
I found myself walking in a slow pace
As I opened the door and saw many tears cried
I held all mine in and tried to smile wide
I walked until i was close to a box carefully placed on the floor
When I looked over the lead the rain started to pour
No one said a word as i looked at the object inside
Many looked and stared at me wondering what I would do
but I tried to hide my red eyes
This thing which i had known was no longer what i thought
My knees fell weak, but despete my want to fall
it was what I was taught
Leaning over i knew if I spoke
I wouldnt recieve a reply
I raised my hand wiped off a tear
stared at my lost person
and gently whispered
"Bye".......
Song - Hurt Christina Aguilera
Knowing them for so long .. and then...poof...they're gone. Disappeared. Unknown factor.. but that's the way of life. The circle of how things run. No one can stop it, or change it, but we wish we could..... Things would be a lot easier if we all could.
The dark cloud settled on my happy afternoon
leaving nothing to be seen but the stars and the moon
over a crowded room and a small space
I found myself walking in a slow pace
As I opened the door and saw many tears cried
I held all mine in and tried to smile wide
I walked until i was close to a box carefully placed on the floor
When I looked over the lead the rain started to pour
No one said a word as i looked at the object inside
Many looked and stared at me wondering what I would do
but I tried to hide my red eyes
This thing which i had known was no longer what i thought
My knees fell weak, but despete my want to fall
it was what I was taught
Leaning over i knew if I spoke
I wouldnt recieve a reply
I raised my hand wiped off a tear
stared at my lost person
and gently whispered
"Bye".......
Song - Hurt Christina Aguilera
Monday, April 27, 2009
Love Cries Out A Certain Word
~~Follow your heart~~
If there's one thing I've learned..is that...nothing stays a secret for a long time. Any time soon ... that one little rumor,remark,response, or even lie could turn and literally hit u across the head. Maybe not all at the same time.. but in return... a lot of pain comes out of it. Not everything returns to you at the same time... but sooner or later...things get pretty ugly in a quick blink of an eye.
I can't assure you that things can actually change and become what is again .. nothing is that easy, but if you work towards it things can change but its all a matter of time and the perseverance you put into getting what you want. Things change slowly though. So don't rush the process of things... not many get to where they are with friends and other relationships by speeding by the moments you should be having to build up that climax.
When things unravel them selves my mistake was to not do anything and quickly tie up the bow again; I just let things fall into a bad place and blame myself later for all that's happened. If your wondering ... that doesn't feel to good ... things don't have to be all your fault if you start believing in it and start to think of facts that can back up your idea. With out those.....your nothing. But thing is .. i had proof that it wasn't "completely" my fault... still.. i did nothing. Stupid... eh? Some of you might say that you would've said something and backed yourself up...try actually being in that position...things aren't as easy as they seem..words are better spoken than done. But the words behind our actions is what makes them so special. Being in a spot where you have to testify against someone you really love.......your conscious yells out a certain word. Hope.
You need this once you've lost it...
but if you want to gain it back..... let me tell you it wasn't easy...
but .... wasn't isn't the word for me... its past tense..
and... i haven't gotten that far yet...
still don't have hope.
~~Follow your heart~~
Love Story
On a stormy winter's night
a young, powerful man took flight
He flew across ocean to ocean
walked through land to land
Just to take hold
of a young maidens hand
He roamed farther than
any man had roamed
Seen every corner there
was to be seen
He rode with horses
Battled fierce knights
yet there was no worthy
opponent to fight
He walked through many kingdoms
and many magnificent towers
hoping to one day stumble
upon the one perfect flower
Maybe he'll meet this lady soon
or maybe in the future
But what ever it'll be
he knew he'd one day discover
Continuing on his journey
this brave man must fight
and pass many tests
run past danger and deal
with many pests
You see, this is the path one
must walk to find that one
person thats meant to be
To love someone through
all one's life is a hard
challenge to face
You must truely love them,
cherish them and
walk along side them, in the
same pace
No one knows the ending
to the young man's tale
But with a heart as strong
and real as gold
i'll assure you he didnt fail
Far across the universe
he walks with a person by
his side
Rising above all and
looking high
To be as happy as he
only can make that
ending come true
He found his now,
the rest is up to you
Walk upon the pedestal
rise up to the challenge
take your hand, your heart in
the other
and make your love story
the best than any other
a young, powerful man took flight
He flew across ocean to ocean
walked through land to land
Just to take hold
of a young maidens hand
He roamed farther than
any man had roamed
Seen every corner there
was to be seen
He rode with horses
Battled fierce knights
yet there was no worthy
opponent to fight
He walked through many kingdoms
and many magnificent towers
hoping to one day stumble
upon the one perfect flower
Maybe he'll meet this lady soon
or maybe in the future
But what ever it'll be
he knew he'd one day discover
Continuing on his journey
this brave man must fight
and pass many tests
run past danger and deal
with many pests
You see, this is the path one
must walk to find that one
person thats meant to be
To love someone through
all one's life is a hard
challenge to face
You must truely love them,
cherish them and
walk along side them, in the
same pace
No one knows the ending
to the young man's tale
But with a heart as strong
and real as gold
i'll assure you he didnt fail
Far across the universe
he walks with a person by
his side
Rising above all and
looking high
To be as happy as he
only can make that
ending come true
He found his now,
the rest is up to you
Walk upon the pedestal
rise up to the challenge
take your hand, your heart in
the other
and make your love story
the best than any other
Tough Spots Rough Issues
~~ Not everything is meant to be kept a secret ~~
~~Ready? Set? Start ....Reading!!~~
Maybe it was the finest things in life that makes you wanna stop...but some times you just just gotta stop think and wait for whats going to happen. I've learned the hard way, that nothing good ever comes out of hanging around people that you don't like. It brings out the worst in not only your self, but the people around are distracted by the hate and the unkindness that you spread around.
Maybe it was my fault...that I didn't always know who to be around and who not to..maybe it was my fault that i don't no who to trust and who to follow behind. But the truth was..that everyone else wanted the exact same thing, Another person to be on their shoulders,no. not on their shoulders but swiping it for them. A personal slave, or in what middle schoolers call them. A "fake" friend. Let me explain .. a person to just be there for them and then out of the clear blue waters, you turn on them. Is that really a friend? Honestly?
Sometimes in a person's life.. you need to be more...... on the look out than you have to be.. in certain places... and to all of you reading this now... I'm going to tell you... my life is as real as it can get..
everything is real ... except the names of the people in it. I've kept most of them hidden just in case my friends are reading.. but in most cases, you'll know who I'm talking about. There is nothing fake about my life; other than the people in it. But I'll assure you. My life is better than an Gossip Girl episode, better than watching The Hills with your girlfriends... and all in all ... way more real. All of the events told are the ones that actually happen .. maybe and sometimes in "full" detail.. but at other times details are the best way to go...
So? You ready to enter a life of a regular 13 year old girl? Not some rich snobby girl on what you see on the t.v on episodes of Gossip Girl..... but the real deal this time. I'll warn you now... many things come your way... and be sure not to follow in my foot steps... dont make the same mistakes i did....
go the other path.
~~Not everything is meant to be kept a secret ~~
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